The Talk
by Violet Rose of Darkness
Summary: Diana makes Bruce give Celeste "the talk." Bruce is uncomfortable and Celeste is amused. Family fluff and slight WonderBat


**Just a random little one-shot that came to my head. Enjoy!**

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Bruce Wayne knew that his daughter was beautiful. With Diana's genes outshining most of his own in the looks department, how could she not be? But she was still his little girl and the concept of her growing up and becoming a woman was hard for him to wrap his head around. So, he was thoroughly shocked (for one of the few times in his adult life) when his wife approached him one day...

"Bruce, you need to tell Celeste about sex."

Bruce almost spit out his coffee. Instead, he forced himself to swallow it down and look at her. She was still in her pajamas with the most nonchalant look on her face. "Excuse me?"

"She's almost thirteen," Diana informed him.

"I'm aware of that," Bruce responded, peering at his wife cautiously. "What does that have to do with me telling her about... _that_?"

Diana snickered. "Bruce, we're both adults," she said, amusement glinting in her eyes and suddenly he knew where Celeste got her mischievous side from. "You can say sex. That, in case you've forgotten, is how our twelve year old child was born."

"That doesn't mean I want to discuss it with my daughter. Why can't you do it?"

Diana rolled her eyes. "Hey, I handled periods, _you_ can take on sex." Her eyes glinted again, this time with playfulness. "Or is the big, bad Batman afraid of telling his daughter where babies come from?"

Bruce glared at her. "Of course not," he insisted. "But shouldn't we wait until she's-"

"Until she's what, Bruce?" interrupted Diana. "Twenty one? Thirty? Or, better yet, how about when she's sixteen and pregnant because her _father_ never taught her about sex and how to be safe about it?" Bruce looked appalled that she would even suggest the last one. She simply shrugged in response. "Worst case scenario, love."

Bruce involuntarily shuddered at the thought. "Alright, alright," he finally agreed. "I'll do it."

Diana smiled sweetly. "Thank you."

"Whatever."

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Unbeknown to the couple, Celeste had heard every word they had said thanks to her enhanced hearing. She snickered; did they really think she didn't know what sex was? She was almost _thirteen_! In fact, she's known where babies came from since she was ten. It was stupid really, some older kid - most likely a teen - had asked her if she knew and when she told them no, they had explained to her, very thoroughly, the whole process. Needless to say, she hadn't been able to sleep for a week.

There was a knock on her door. "Come in," called Celeste.

Her father, holding an apple and banana in his hand, opened the door and sat on her bed next to her. "We have to talk," he said rigidly. Celeste could have laughed; he looked so uncomfortable. And The Batman _never_ looked uncomfortable.

Instead, she withheld it. "What is it, Daddy?" she asked, feigning innocence.

Bruce's eyes looked everywhere but at her. "Celeste, do you know where babies come from?"

Celeste shrugged. "Uncle Wally told me babies came from special vending machines once," she told him. It was true; the Speedster had been babysitting her one time and she had asked. He had gotten really nervous and blurted that you had to order one from a special special vending machines that only mommies and daddies knew about.

Bruce seethed; he was going to _kill_ West. "That's not... entirely true." He sighed and went into a longwinded explanation on how babies were made, using the apple and the banana to demonstrate female and male body parts. He also told her about condoms and other forms of birth control and protection against STDs and STIs. "Do you understand know?"

Celeste nodded. "Uh-huh!" She hugged her father. "Thanks for telling me, Daddy."

Bruce hugged her back. "You're welcome."

Celeste grinned. "I don't suppose I could have the banana?" she teased, the glint her eyes matching the mischievous one Diana got. At his fearful look, she giggled. "I'm just kidding, Dad." Bruce nodded stiffly and left her room, to which she giggled harder.

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Later that night, her mother came into her room, her eyes knowing. "You knew about sex, didn't you?" she asked, though it sounded more like a statement than a question.

Celeste smirked and shrugged. Honestly, she expected her mother to know. Her father was a genius, but when it came to raising her he was as clueless as it got. Her mother on the other hand had been her age once. Her grandmother had told her countless times how much she was like her mother at her age. "Guilty. What gave me away?"

Diana crossed her arms and sat down next to her. "Only the fact that your our daughter," she said, pressing a kiss to the crown of her daughter's forehead. "Celeste Wayne, you are truly one of a kind."

Celeste rolled her eyes. "Says _Wonder Woman_."

Diana laughed and brushed Celeste's hair away from her face. "Hera, I love you Celeste." She hugged her tightly.

Celeste leaned into the embraced. "I love you too, Mom."

Diana pulled away and kissed the top of her head. "Don't stay up too late, alright?" Celeste nodded and Diana left. The preteen felt her phone vibrate and she pulled it out. The notification was a text for Lora Kent, one of her best friends.

 **Oml, Dad just tried to have "the talk" with me! Do our fathers really not know that we know about sex?**

Celeste snickered and replied, _Apparently not, my dad just told me this morning! Did your mom put him up to it?_

 **Probably. You?**

 _Of course! My mom's the queen at putting my dad in awkward situations. He used an apple and a banana to show me how babies are made!_

 **OMG, really?**

Celeste giggled. _They're so clueless._

 **Obvi. But they're our dads. Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.**

 _Got that right._

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 **And that's my little one-shot. I hope you like it and please review!**


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